By Susan Liddy

Each of us has a Body Image Perception (BIP), that is, a belief system about what we look like and how we think other people see us. It is a state of mind that is developed in response to our personal experiences, cultural influences, emotional states and our own physical development. Our BIP typically includes negative beliefs that we have about the size, shape and weight of our body, and other physical characteristics such as wrinkles, hair, chest size, muscle tone, etc. According to a 1997 Psychology Today body image study with over 4000 participants fifty-six percent of women and forty-three percent of men have a negative BIP. Maintaining and perpetuating negative beliefs about our bodies forms a Cycle of Disempowerment™ that keeps us from the body we desire. Disrupt your Cycle of Disempowerment™ with awareness of how you unwittingly perpetuate your negative BIP.

So, what disempowering habits perpetuate a negative BIP?

• Comparing ourselves to people we see in the media, such as celebrities and models, and other people who “look like they have it all together”, we define standards of what we should look like. These standards often include unrealistic expectations of a perfect body and lead us to disappointment, self hatred/denial and depression when we can not measure up. We believe that if we could obtain this perfect body we would be happy. Then someone would really love us. Then our wishes would come true.

• Staying stuck in our past is a way to keep our negative BIP alive. Perhaps the person we compare ourselves to is our younger self. Maybe we were at our ideal weight in our twenties or thirties and we regret that we “let ourselves go”. Perhaps we beat ourselves up over previous “failed” diets and exercise programs. This may also include holding on to anger, sadness and shame from past experiences. Leaving these negative feelings unresolved will undermine our attempts to feel good about ourselves today.

• Living for the future and not for today puts us in a struggle to “arrive” versus embracing who we are in this moment. We set expectations for how long it should take us to “get there” and what we should look like in order to be happy. Our efforts now are to get something tomorrow, in doing so we lose focus on enjoying our life today.

• When we continually say negative things about our bodies we are engaged in one of the most destructive disempowering behaviors: Negative self talk. Negative self talk will NEVER move you forward! It shames us and weighs us down by constantly reminding ourselves of our short comings. Negative language fuels a Cycle of Disempowerment™ that will block our attempts for a more positive self esteem, healthy body and fit lifestyle.

• Continual complaining promotes powerlessness and defeat. We tend to manifest what it is we focus on. Complaining puts our focus on what’s wrong, painful or impossible and promotes a negativity that drains the motivation and positive energy we need to commit to a healthy body.

• Burdened by expectations to get to that perfect body, living under the weight of the past, struggling to “get there” now, and beating ourselves up along the way, the desire to give up eventually sets in and assumes power. Now is the time when your excuses come flooding to your rescue. It’s easy to find reasons why we can not work out or eat well today. Having unwittingly turned the process of getting fit and healthy into an arduous chore, excuses like “I’m too tired”, “I don’t have enough time” or “I can’t afford a trainer”, too easily let us off the hook. Before we know it we’ve given up and disabled our ability to change anything.

The costs of perpetuating a negative BIP are high!

Life is missed: When we are caught up in self judgment and negative beliefs about what we look like we are more apt to cancel, decline or not show up at family functions, high school reunions or other social gatherings where we may feel judged by others. We’ll avoid life affirming and nurturing activities that may expose our bodies, like going to the beach, doing yoga, getting a massage, etc.

Intimacy suffers: When we believe that we are unacceptable and unlovable because of how we look we may never give anyone a chance to really see who we are and get to know the REAL us. We may avoid dating or making friends because we fear they’ll reject us for how we look. Ironically, it is our own self rejection keeping us from deep, intimate relationships. We are actually doing to ourselves what we fear others will do to us.

Health is jeopardized: Focusing on what we do not like about our bodies actually defeats our efforts to arrive at a healthy weight. When we think poorly about ourselves we tend to treat ourselves poorly by choosing not to eat, hydrate and exercise. We may engage in crash diets or strenuous exercise programs that lead to injury, use diet pills or even continue to smoke cigarettes to manage our weight. Maintaining a poor body image can result in medical conditions such as anorexia, bulimia and other eating disorders.

Negative feelings thrive: Depression, anxiety, shame and resentment often accompany a negative BIP. When we have poor self image and are disconnecting from ourselves and others, we have a direct route to sadness. When we believe that no one can like us because of what we look like, we may experience anxiety about getting to know new people or maintaining our current relationships. We may question our ability to ever be happy and resent others who appear to be. Perhaps we feel ashamed because we are jealous of how others look or believe that others find our bodies repulsive and ugly. When negative feelings have a stronghold they deplete the positive energy you need to lift yourself out of the cycle.

Emotional needs starve: Fulfilling our needs to belong, feel valued, accepted, secure and loved (to name a few) is undermined by a negative BIP. Feeling emotionally starved and crushed under the weight of negative beliefs and feelings, we often attempt to meet our needs via disempowering behaviors like people pleasing, gossiping, angry outbursts, overeating, etc. This only affirms our negative beliefs, increases our negative feelings AND leaves us more emotionally starved. A Cycle of Disempowerment™ is formed.

Good News! You can transform your BIP into a positive one and create a Cycle of Empowerment™ that includes empowering beliefs and behaviours, positive feelings and satisfied emotional needs. Here's how to befriend your body...

1. Discover the truth: Challenge your beliefs and discover the truth about your body. Truth is, what we perceive about our bodies has little to do with fact. Many of us have a natural tendency to zero in on and exaggerate what we don’t like about our appearance. According to U.S. News and World Report, about 39 percent of men and 50 percent of women think they are overweight compared to 24 percent of men and 27 percent of women who actually are.
2. Accept yourself: You may worry that if you accept yourself now, as is, that you will not be motivated to live that healthy lifestyle. This is not the case. Stanford University researchers have found that people who begin a weight-loss program with a positive BIP are more than twice as likely to lose weight as people with a negative BIP. Self acceptance leads to self love which naturally leads to taking better care of ourselves. Taking better care of ourselves leads to clearer thinking, more energy and vitality, peace of mind, and yes, a healthier weight.
3. Eliminate Expectations: Come into the here and now and let go of comparing yourself to others.
4. Heal your past: Allow your past to empower and support you versus keep you stuck.
5. Practice diligence: Commit to and hold yourself accountable to a healthy lifestyle.
6. Have fun: Define a healthy lifestyle that brings you joy! People who have fun during their exercise programs tend to stick with it and get results.

Maintaining a negative BIP will ultimately keep us from that healthy body we seek. Non-judgmental awareness of how we perpetuate our negative body image is the doorway to healthy living and self acceptance is the key. Developing empowering habits requires the willingness to become aware of how we think, feel and behave, acceptance for how we got here, and the commitment and courage to change. Be kind to yourself through this transitional process. This is a challenge well worth the work and one that will not only support you to live healthy now, yet will support your life happiness and fulfillment for years to come.

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Do You have a Poor Body Image?

You're not alone! Fifty-six percent of women and forty-three percent of men have a negative BIP or Body Image Perception. Aspire Life Coaching has recently launched our Empowering Body Image eCourse - a comprehensive course that works to dispel negative beliefs we have about the size, shape and weight of our body, and other physical characteristics such as wrinkles, hair, chest size, muscle tone, etc. When you truly love your body, you are more likely to engage in choices that support your emotional and physical well-being while celebrating the natural beauty and true essence of you!

Learn more about the Empowering Body Image eCourse from Aspire Life Coaching today!