By Susan Liddy

"It is the ability to choose that makes us human." Madeleine L'Engle

How often do you find yourself saying I “should” do this or “have” to do that? If you are like most people, “should” and “have to” are the condiments of your every day language. Essentially, you are using guilt to motivate yourself, or attempting to.

I refer to this type of language as “Commanding Talk”. Commanding Talk is comprised of words and phrases to task master us into doing things; too often when we “should” and “have to”, we are attempting to complete tasks that do not excite us and that we are procrastinating about. Using commanding language may feel natural and may at times, effectively move us to action, yet at what price?

After all, doesn’t much of what we want from life include feelings of accomplishment? When we use deflating language it not only takes the fun out of the task at hand, it reduces our feelings of accomplishment. Instead of acknowledging ourselves for a job well done, we may beat ourselves up for having procrastinated or for disliking the activity.

Chronic Commanding Talk indicates that we are not living a life of our choosing. The next time you find yourself using Commanding Talk, check in with yourself. Is what you are task mastering yourself into doing something YOU want to do or something someone is expecting of you? Are your commitments a form of people pleasing so that you will be liked, accepted or acknowledged?

If you find yourself using Commanding Talk frequently, I challenge you to use the empowering language of choice and if that doesn’t do the trick, uncover and eliminate the hidden expectations that are running your life.

Reality Check

• Notice your attempts to bully yourself and step into acceptance instead.
  
• Eliminate “should” from your vocabulary and “choose” instead.
  
• Substitute “have to” with “want to”.
  
• Commit to aligning your life based upon the truth of who you are and not what others expect you to be.

Fearless Integration

1. Notice when you use Commanding Talk.
2. Ask yourself if it is true that you WANT or CHOOSE what you are commanding of yourself.
3. If yes, break the tasks into smaller steps and replace your commanding words with ones that encourage and acknowledge you.
4. Celebrate each step you complete with a smile and a treat!

Aspire Compassionately!

More Support

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About the Author

Susan Liddy is on a mission to empower women globally through self awareness, understanding and choice. Work with Susan to overcome your emotional fears, increase your self confence and accomplish your goals.

For more information about Susan Liddy, MA, PCC, CPCC,  and Aspire Life Coaching™ visit www.AspireLifeCoaching.org or call (408) 835-9908.

©2009 Susan Liddy, AspireLifeCoaching.org, All rights reserved.