by Susan Liddy

Life coaches talk a lot about disempowering habits, don't they? Things like procrastinating, gossiping... smoking, overeating, and all of those behaviors that don't serve us. Disempowering habits are like instant gratification. They may not lead you to long term satisfaction and confidence, but for a moment, you can feel better. Why?

Disempowering behaviors begin at times when we had unmet needs that we didn't understand nor wished to feel. Perhaps we were never taught about our emotional needs, how to feel our feelings or had role models to show us the way. So instead of addressing them, we did the best we could to make the icky feelings go away!

Maybe at times, you let your emotions define your beliefs. Instead of learning to move through these emotions, you devised a set of beliefs that propelled you toward a concoction of behaviors to feel better instantly. Behaviors that could also camouflage your fears about yourself, others and/or life itself.

You may not easily remember the feelings that helped form your disempowering habits - yet they likely still exist today. Whenever they are triggered, you automatically go into old tried and true methods to feel better instantly. Feeling better can be a good thing... but not when the behavior takes us farther away from what we'd really like to do and be.

And, please remember that although you may have disempowering habits in a few life areas, odds are you have created empowering habits in others! Really anchor those healthy feelings of pride by including them in your focus. Truth is you already know how to create empowerment and CAN shift any disempowering habit into a good one!

Reality Check:

Do any of these scenarios sound familiar? Do you see the long-term positive effect that the empowering habit can have?

Scenario 1:

• Challenge: You're overwhelmed with work.
• Disempowering Habit: You procrastinate for a temporary sense of relief.
• Empowering Habit: You take a half an hour to write down and prioritize your day's tasks so you can tackle them one by one.

• Challenge: You are new to a social group and don't yet feel like you belong.
• Disempowering Habit: You join in on the gossip for that false sense of acceptance.
• Empowering Habit: You avoid speaking poorly of others, and instead approach one kind person in the hope of becoming better friends.

Scenario 3:

• Challenge: You resent having to do housework because it takes up time that could be better spent doing projects you enjoy.
• Disempowering Habit: You leave a mess in the kitchen instead of tidying up after lunch - for a false sense of reclaimed time.
• Empowering Habit: You pick up after yourself at each step to avoid a bigger mess that will take more time.

Fearless Integration

Awareness. Become aware of your own disempowering habits - things like negative self talk, gossiping, making excuses and procrastinating. Recognize that these habits are causing the unfulfillment in your life. They result in small things (like a messy house) that lead to big things (like feeling too overwhelmed to have company over on a Friday night) that lead to bigger things (like having no life outside of work) that lead to unhappiness and dissatisfaction with life.

Understanding. Step into understanding the disempowering habit. Embrace that there was a time in your life that these behaviors temporarily met your emotional needs. Be kind to that younger version of you who designed your habits. Consider the emotional needs that exist for you today, and how these are different from when you were younger. Identify the emotions that trigger you into disempowerment.

Choice. Commit to change - and do it today. Now that you are aware of your disempowering habits, can you recognize what your mind and spirit is really asking for? Decide what type of empowering habit you can develop that will help you work through that emotion. Make a promise to yourself to actively engage those habits, instead of those that masquerade as fulfillment but slowly pull you farther from happiness.

Willingness. The good feelings that come with empowerment often take a while to kick in. Be willing to feel the challenging feelings that were trying to "escape" through the use of disempowering behaviors. As you choose empowerment over disempowerment, you may feel even more triggered. With the willingness to feel and detach from the negative beliefs you previously formed, you'll get practice in empowerment. That's how the habit is created - with practice!

About the Author:

Susan Liddy, MA, PCC, CPCC is the founder of AspireLifeCoaching.org, a women's coaching organization whose mission is to empower women to aspire fearlessly. Susan's unique and groundbreaking life coaching programs teach women how to break through the fear and disempowering behaviors that block them from who they are and what they want.

To learn more about Susan Liddy and AspireLifeCoaching.org visit AspireLifeCoaching.org or call (408) 835-9908.

©2008 Susan Liddy, AspireLifeCoaching.org, All rights reserved.

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